Boycott Futball? (February 3, 2014)

. . .

F1        “Are you crazy?  Apple pie and motherhood are as American as futball.”

F2        “Soccer Moms wielding mini vans hold the keys.  Will they make a motherly pitch to the kids and drive them to the pitch or accede to pressure and deposit them on the gridiron.”

. . .

F1        “Watching it for the ads seems akin to buying a girlie magazine for the articles.” 

F2        “Spectacles are always spectacular.  A brand is a story.  This year the brands really tried to tell stories over a number of ads throughout the extravaganza.”

F1        “Seemed to be fewer ads for ED medication and the usual number for EtOH self-medication.”

F2        “Capture the audience and then captivate the audience.”

. . .

F1        “The NFL is the big winner.  They scored non-profit tax-exempt status long ago.  The public pays for the millionaires to play for the billionaires.”

F2        “And the public finances most of the coliseums.  The teams are tantamount to unregulated public utilities.”

F1        “Perhaps citizens should pay a monthly bill for water and sewer, telephone, gas, and for futball.”

. . .

F2        “Football is counterproductive because it destroys so many gladiators along the way.  Society is left weaker.”

. . .

F1        “Sports has always provided every society with a forum to train warriors and titillate the populace.”

F2        “ROTC with colorful, multi-color uniforms, cheerleaders and beer.”

F1        “Tiddlywinks simply does not train warriors or titillate the public.  Few aspire to a career in the NTA – National Tiddlywinks Association.  Our need for blood sports is hard-wired into our dna.  Coursing is coarse, but the desire courses through our blood.”

F2        “Auto racing appeals to our love of speed and lust for a crash.  The most skilled drivers are at the wheel to maximize the speed and minimize but deliver the inevitable and cherished crash.”

F1        “Satisfying our need for immediate gratification led them to accelerate the process and fashion the ‘demolition derby’ that provides what the fans really desire – a string of premeditated crashes – without the wait.”

F2        “Rather than going in circles, they go right at each other.  Perhaps football could be reduced to fifteen minutes of uncontrolled mayhem with the gladiators going right at each other.”      

. . .

F1        “The ideal winter sport is the biathlon . . . shoot and ski in the winter and then run or bicycle or pogo-stick in the summer to stay in shape.  The ideal summer sports are soccer and women’s rules lacrosse.  Men’s rules lacrosse is for insecure sissies.”

F2        “Men’s rules lacrosse is the outdoor version of ice hockey.  Is there women’s rules ice hockey?”

F1        “What about co-ed inner tube water polo played indoors in the winter and cricket played in the summer?”

F2        “Moms may need to select among competing pitches.  Cricket Moms would emerge as another target demographic for advertisers.”

. . .

F1        “What would happen to Monday morning quarterbacking?”

. . .

Bumper sticker of the week:

“Is Dylan a Cadillac shill or a Chrysler shill?  . . . . . . .  or a Ford shill?”  “I think he was a Victoria’s Secret model.”

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