“Just visiting, thank you.” (April 1, 2019)

. . .

K          “Okay, I’ll try it again.  It’s a lot to process.  My lawyer said that I was innocent.  I didn’t do it, I wasn’t there, and both of them had it coming to them because they were more than just harassing her and refused to shuffle on after polite notice.  My people drafted and crafted condign punishment for our people.  We are way ahead of you people.  I was offered a plea deal banishing me from the community for fifty years.  ‘To Earth!’, they decreed.  ‘To Earth?’, I demurred.  I tell you, everyone knows that the stunning and beautiful blue marble is one of the arm pits of the Universe.  A Superfund Site with shopping malls.  The Purgatory for one of your religious cults, you know.  You Earth things banish someone to Coventry, I was the test case to send someone to explore Earth first-hand.  Talk about unfair and unsporting and uncivilized.  They gave me a new identity and placed me with a loving and understanding Earth family that provided cover.  . . .  If you are not prepared to believe it, then you are not prepared to believe it.”

. . .

K          “You think you are surprised.  Try to explain this circumstance to my Earth family.  That was a trip after a very long trip.  They had to be quiet and play along for years.  When I grew up or at least got older and left the foster halfway home, I was assigned to do my time in a lower profile locale.”

. . .

K          “Talk about an undocumented alien.  If I get pulled over, dispatch will probably have me dispatched.  And not sent back, if you know what I mean.  If an American judge hears my story, your judge will bless the execution and punish anyone who challenges the procedure.  You people are curious.  And vexing.  And disturbing.”  

. . .

K          “I only need to machine one more spare part to get it going and get back home.  I know that your authorities know that I am working on it in my red shed.  I found your camera system which, by the way, is rather primitive, but you may know that.”

. . .

K          “I’m the only one here that I know of.  They want me to study you people and send dispatches on your law, politics, economics, philosophy, sports, society and manners, if any.  Sort of Alexis de Tocqueville and Michael Mead in a space suit.  I am free to drink your mead and break bread with you people as part of my research as long as I don’t get close enough to expose my plight before I take flight.”      

. . .

K          “In one dispatch to my handlers, I threatened to marry one of your Earth beings and bring her back at the end of my sentence.  And possibly breed.  My people are serene and sublime Buddhists, however, they were appalled and disgusted at the prospect and nixed the proposal.  One of them even threatened to revoke my return visa.  That was the wrong gambit on my part.  And you can just imagine her reaction and her girlfriends’ reactions when I slowly unfurled the saga.”

. . .

K          “Mortality stinks; Immortality stinks.  They say that the rich on your planet live better lives and live longer lives.  All of us live better lives and live about 200 years.”

. . .

K          “See, there are many carbon-based life forms in the Universe, but we don’t pump our mess kit full of the stuff.”        

. . . 

K          “Not to be judgmental or critical, but* you people are crazy.  I gotta get out of this place.”

. . .

*“but”:  an acronym of behold the utter truth; statements before the conjunction are polite but untrue

Bumper stickers of the week:

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“You’re on earth.  There’s no cure for that.”  Samuel Beckett

Just visiting, thank you.

Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional.  Don’t exercise the option.

April – National Poetry Month

The following half dozen six-word memoirs in an “e-poem” titled “Take only pictures; Leave only footprints” was presented a few years ago:

Many live humans; Few dead dinosaurs.

Disregard the e-con-omists; Regard the physicists.

Change your attitude; Range the latitudes.

Pay old bills; Develop new skills.

Consume less junk; Savor more beauty.

So many challenges; So little time.

https://www.theautomaticearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/CalvinIntelligentLife.jpg

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