The Ninth Circuit:  Two-Tiered “Just-Us” Review (February 13, 2017)

. . .

K          “There are two standards of review in the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals.  If the plaintiff is a favored or famous individual or the matter is a cause célèbre, the Niners read the briefs and write a coherent decision.  If the plaintiff is not among the elite and is some ordinary stiff, the Niners do not read the briefs and instead distort both the law and the facts to make the plaintiff and the plaintiff’s lawyer look like fools.” 

J          “That is, perforce, perjury, but that is never a concern or an impediment.  They swore to uphold the law.  They are not upholding the law.  When they issue a decision, they are not required to attach an affidavit stating that the decision is an honest description of the law and the facts.  They already swore to provide an honest description of the law and the facts.”

K          “Perjury is the American Way.”

. . .

K          “If a case or issue is hip, cool, trendy, sexy and/or well-publicized, the Niners give it the time of day.  The recent case involving the trendy issue du jour provided an opportunity for an ideological pronouncement.  The Niners are more predictable than the sunrise.” 

. . .

K          “Cockroaches work diligently in the dark and scurry away when the lights are turned on.  Judges work diligently when the television lights are turned on and scurry away when the lights are turned off.”

J          “Perhaps the Niners should candidly and honestly state that they will not read a brief filed by a little person unless accompanied by a filing fee four (4) times the filing fee charged to large players and institutions.”

K          “Ten (10) times the filing fee may not be enough.  How much is enough.”

. . .

K          “Too bad we cannot depose God to determine the Truth.  Based on decades of study and careful observation, I calculate that aggregating the acts of perjury perpetrated by each judge and applying the low end of the Sentencing Guidelines would consign most judges to prison for life.”

J          “Now there is one for you.  There are more felons or technically unindicted felons on the bench at large than among the public.  I missed that discussion in my high school civics class.”

. . .

J          “Some ideas are too Truthful to entertain for even a few seconds.”

K          “When you think on it, perjury is the back bone of the American Judicial System.”

. . .

[See the e-commentary “On Standards & Quality (July 20, 2015)”, “The Court Of Truth And Justice (CTJ) (August 29, 2016)”, “Assigning Blame:  The Lawyers: 50 Percent; The Non-Lawyer Public: 50 Percent; The Judges: 100 Percent (December 3, 2012)” and “Perjury, the American Way (February 20, 2006).”

Bumper stickers of the week:

“There is always some kid who may be seeing me for the first or last time, I owe him my best.”  Joe DiMaggio

Courts have failed.  Courts exist to make life easy and lucrative for judges and to make money for obliging and cooperative lawyers.

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